first person

Interview with the Inflatee

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I

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Average: 3.9 (16 votes)

The Inflatrix

The Inflatrix
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Average: 4 (22 votes)

Very Serious Case of the Hiccups, A

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When I signed up to study ecology, I had visions of visiting exotic biomes. I daydreamed of swimming through Caribbean reefs and discovering a new species of pufferfish or finding a violet poison dart frog in Amazonia. The reality is that you have to go where the money will take you. So there I was, knee-deep in the effluent from Grimesworth Dye Works in a freezing polluted stream, sifting out the red water mites to take them back to the lab and test them for mutated bacteria. This dominated my life, regardless of the season. I was paying my dues for my PhD.

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Average: 3 (7 votes)

Boom: The Expanded Edition

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She always had a certain sway in her walk. Her hips went back and forth like a pendulum, each inch of her curves wrapped in that tight black dress she always wore at the office. Sometimes she caught me looking. With big round eyes she'd stare back at me and smirk, flicking her black bob-cut hair back as she walked away, never looking away. Alice was her name. A short, fierce, beautiful creature. I'd watched her at my lunch break with loving eyes, my attentiveness oft noticed by my co-workers. They weren't surprised.

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Average: 4 (13 votes)

Neighbours

The girl in the flat opposite drifted onto my balcony. I didn’t see or hear her footfall; hands still clutched about the rail, the gasping sob as she settled, exhaled. So the girl tapped the glass. Twice. And I answered.

“Hello.” She whispered. “Can I come in?”

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Average: 4.1 (12 votes)

Five Stages

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All I did was shoplift a lipstick. I should’ve remembered about the new laws they’d brought in - "one strike and you vanish". I can’t stop myself, it’s a compulsion. I used to be on pills for it but I can’t afford them any more, so here I am. Of course, if I had enough money, I could’ve bribed my way out. Well, I suppose I wouldn’t be here in the first place because I could’ve bought the tablets and it would’ve stopped me from needing to steal things. I didn’t remember it had gotten this bad. I don’t really follow the news or anything and I try to keep out of trouble.

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Average: 4 (17 votes)

Christmas Protocol

“I said no.”

“C’mon,” I whined. “We’re both adults. Let’s do the presents now.”

“No!” cried Carol. “I told you, it’s only fun if you follow protocol.”

“There’s Christmas protocol?” I asked in disbelief.

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Average: 4.1 (12 votes)

caricaturemirror-pballooned

caricaturemirror-pballooned
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Average: 4.1 (22 votes)

Kate The Balloon Girl Vs. Gym Class

I am a force to be reckoned with at my school. I have confronted six bullies. These bullies have had knives, guns, clubs, and one had an attack hawk (It was “Bring a Pet to Class Day.”) I’ve beaten them all, and I look forward to beating more. My method is simple: I inflate really big and just roll on the jerks. I, Kate the Balloon Girl, am capable of that. I have struck terror into many a bully and made the hallways safer. I have lessened the fear and filled many self-respecting good students with a sense of security long overdue.

I also hate gym class.

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Average: 3.4 (5 votes)

Letting Go

"It's kind of like a flash mob," she tells me.

"Uh-huh". Arms crossed and eyelids lowered as I stare at her in silent disapproval. In the middle of our damned vacation, she pulls this on me. And what's with these cheesy jumpsuits? She just happened to pack them accidentally on purpose, I suppose?

"I really do not want to do this" I repeat.

"You need to let go once in a while. It's good for you," she lectures.

I'll have none of that. "It is cold. It is late. I am hungry and I want a steak."

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Average: 3.9 (8 votes)
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