Currency: The Promotion

Date Written: 

“Hi, Jessi. Can you come to Ms. Evans’ office? She needs to talk to you right away.”

“Umm… sure.”

Jessi hung up the phone, her heart simultaneously rising to her throat and sinking into her stomach. It was Friday afternoon and she had watched four of her employees, her admin assistant, and her director all receive the bad news and get escorted from the building. She had thought that she would be immune from the layoffs but her team was laid off beneath her and her peers’ annual reviews were just as good as hers. Getting called into her division VP’s office on a day like today was hardly a good sign.

Jessi stood at her desk and surveyed her cubicle, making a quick mental note of the personal effects she would need to gather when she returned. Taking a deep breath, she began the trek to the elevator, a modern day Trail of Tears that would take her up to the 27th floor.

As she stepped off the large elevator and into the corridor, she took in the trappings of the 27th floor for what she expected was the last time. The furniture was more expensive, the lighting softer, the ceilings taller, the hallways and doors wider, the view out the windows less claustrophobic. Jessi followed the hallway until she reached the door leading to her fate:


Jessi took a deep breath and opened the door.

Katrina, Ms. Evans’ executive assistant, sat at her desk behind a stack of red folders. Putting the finishing touches on termination paperwork, no doubt, before taking it all down to HR. The door clicked shut and Katrina looked up from the open folder she was currently working on. “Hi, Jessi,” Katrina said. “Ms. Evans is ready to see you.”

Katrina closed the open folder and stood, her bust brushing against the edge of the desk. Jessi watched Katrina’s bubble butt wobbling within her pencil skirt as she walked toward the tall, wide sliding doors leading to Ms. Evans’ office. Even the assistants were well paid up here, or at least they looked the part; Jessi sometimes wondered if they made more than she did. Katrina slid one of the doors open just a bit, turned to face Jessi, and briefly touched Jessi’s arm as the side of her mouth curled up ever so slightly.

Was that a smile?? Jessi thought. She did not know Katrina all that well; they had hung out a bit during office parties, but they fell just short of “friend” status. So was Katrina smiling because Jessi wasn’t getting laid off? Or was Jessi getting laid off and Katrina was happy about it because she was holding a secret grudge for some reason? Jessi did not let her panic show. She returned the guarded smile and stepped into Ms. Evans’s office.

“Thank you, Katrina,” Ms. Evans said, and Katrina closed the door. “Have a seat, Jessi.”

Jessi approached nervously and sat in one of the comfortable chairs facing the desk. On the desk sat a regular manila folder, among various other things

“I know today has been hard on everyone, but I wanted to have a quick chat.”

Jessi had been staring at the folder, dreading that she was getting laid off and that they had just run out of red folders. She could almost hear her heart pounding. Then she realized that Ms. Evans had said something and that there had been several seconds of silence. Jessi flinched and looked up.

Ms. Evans smiled pleasantly and reached her puffy arms around her considerable chest and clasped her hands at her sternum, right where her rounded belly began arcing toward the desk. “You can relax, sweetheart,” she said. “You’re not losing your job.”

Jessi almost fell out of her chair with relief and sighed so hard she almost gagged herself. “Oh my God, thank you,” she said, pressing a hand to her chest as if that alone could calm her heart down.

Ms. Evans opened the folder and held up a sheet of paper with Jessi’s photo on it - Jessi’s HR record - while her other hand rested atop her stomach. Jessi noted that there were no gaps between the buttons in Ms. Evans’s blouse despite the enormous curves it contained. Oh, to be able to afford such custom clothing. “You’ve worked here for fourteen years,” Ms. Evans said, studying Jessi’s HR profile.

“First job out of college,” Jessi said, nodding.

“Manager of software development for most of that time.”

Jessi nodded again.

“You’ve been passed over twice for a promotion to director of IT.” Ms. Evans paused and looked right at Jessi. “By me.”

Jessi swallowed, nodded again.

“After being turned down twice, why didn’t you get the hell out of here? You’ve got enough of a resume to reach director level somewhere. Hell, maybe even my level.”

“Because I believe in what we do.”

“But you’ve been here fourteen years. This has been your only job in the workforce. How do you know that an equally meaningful job with better pay isn’t out there?”

Jessi started to get the feeling that she was being talked into, in effect, laying herself off. She wasn’t going to let it work. ”I don’t. But I know that I’m happy here, even though I haven’t moved up quite as fast as I’d hoped, and that I work for good people I admire. Maybe the grass isn’t greener.”

Ms. Evans sat there, a slight smirk on her face, then returned Jessi’s HR profile to the desk and closed the folder. “I know,” she said and leaned back in her chair, again crossing her swollen arms across her breasts. “Do you want to know the truth about why you didn’t get promoted?”

Jessi’s brow furrowed. “Please.”

“I didn’t promote you to director because I knew the time wasn’t right and the job wasn’t right. I wanted to save you for something better.” Ms. Evans played her eyes across the room. “What do you think of the office?”

Jessi brushed her brown hair behind her ears and looked around. It looked nice. It smelled nice. The view out the window was nice. “It’s nice,” she shrugged.

”Good,” Ms. Evans said, her smirk spreading into a grin. “It’s yours. You’re the new vice president of operations. Congratulations.”

Jessi’s jaw would have hit the floor and rattled around if it hadn’t been attached. “Wh… what??” she blurted out. “What about you?”

“Jerry is retiring in a month. I’ll be moving up to be president.”

“I don’t… what’s the pay?”

Ms. Evans smirked. “Triple your current salary.”

Jessi’s eyes widened. “GT180,000?”

“Give or take. The raise goes into effect immediately, and since it’s the last day of the month, you get your first paycheck now!”

“Now?” Jessi nervously looked down at her blouse and skirt.

Ms. Evans acted as if she hadn’t heard. “Plus, in appreciation for your loyalty to the company after being denied your first promotion, I’d like to give you a back-pay bonus for what you would have earned if you’d gotten promoted.”

“Ms. Evans,” Jessi tried to interject, holding up a finger.

Ms. Evans continued. “So that’s roughly GT40,000 per year for six years, plus better benefits you missed out on, plus bonuses…”

“Ms. Evans,” Jessi said again, sitting forward.

“ clothing allowance, vehicle stipend, and then adjust for the rate of inflation…”

“Ms. Evans!”

Ms. Evans jumped. “What’s wrong, dear?”

Jessi chuckled incredulously. “I can’t accept all of that today.”

Ms. Evans paused, a confused look on your face. “You don’t want the job?”

“No, it’s not that,” Jessi said, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “I’m not sure I’m qualified for the job, but I absolutely do want it.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Look at me!” Jessi said, gesturing to herself. “I didn’t dress appropriately at all for carrying that kind of cash.”

“I haven’t even told you how much that’ll be,” Ms. Evans said, returning to her original train of thought. “As I was saying, your first new paycheck plus all of the back-pay adjusted for inflation… we’ll call it an even GT400,000.”

Jessi gasped and slumped backward in her chair. “F-four hundred… thousand…”

Ms. Evans beamed. “Life-changing, huh?”

Jessi’s vision blurred slightly; she rubbed her eyes. “Ms. Evans… I’ve never carried more cash than GT30,000, and that was only long enough to go from the bank to the car dealer.”

“Well, you’re in for quite the experience then.” Ms. Evans pushed a button on her desk phone. “Katrina, is my ATM ready?”

“Yes, Ms. Evans,” came Katrina’s reply.

“Thank you, Katrina.” Ms. Evans waddled around the desk and beckoned Jessi to join her at the ATM on the wall. The small screen showed Jessi’s name and employee ID number, and a whopping GT400,000 cash to be withdrawn. Ms. Evans detached the hose with her pudgy fingers and gestured to Jessi’s blouse. “Lift up or take off.”

With shaky hands, Jessi lifted up her blouse just enough to expose her navel. Ms. Evans maneuvered her swollen arm into position and stuck the hose in, then tapped a button on the ATM. The display changed to say “Dispensing” and a hissing sound arose in the room as the obscenely large number on the screen began decreasing.

Being blown up with money was not an unfamiliar feeling to Jessi. Jessi had gotten out of the habit of carrying Gallons Tender inside her person unless she really needed to. Sure, she’d carry a little extra here and there when she felt like a confidence boost, but it would have to go straight back into the bank anyway.

Jessi’s blouse had pulled completely tight around her growing breasts and the skirt had ridden up quite a bit as her butt swelled. When her stomach started to push outward she checked the screen: only GT8,000 transferred, but already more than her normal monthly paycheck. It was also enough that she no longer had to hold the blouse up herself, her growing belly stretching it tight and poking out below it. By the GT12,000 mark the blouse didn’t even cover her stomach at all, and was beginning to reveal more and more of her breasts.

When the inflating began to spread to Jessi’s limbs, she spread her feet apart to maintain her balance and give her legs room to grow. Her skirt had become all but useless, tightly bunched around her hips and providing a clear view of her underwear. Her flesh bubbled out above and below, her torso beginning to widen. Jessi’s breasts even surpassed Ms. Evans’ pair, two medicine balls far more of which were outside her blouse and bra than in. Jessi struggled to reach across her chest and pull up the blouse and relieve some tension. Her arms had nearly tripled in width, her thighs double their normal size. Indeed, the rest of her had surpassed Ms. Evans as well.

Jessi’s skirt finally snapped, letting her hips and waist bulge outward in all directions. When her back began to fill out, her blouse slid up the rest of the way, collecting loosely around her collarbone. It became impossible to tell her hips and waist apart. Her legs were spreading wider as they grew, her arms lifting up at her sides. Her rounding torso spread almost four feet in all directions. Jessi looked at the screen and saw that she was nearing the GT30,000 mark.

Yes, this was a familiar size. She remembered what it had been like when she got approved for the car loan and had to go pick up the money. Her sister had had to help her waddle out of the bank, and she had to lie on the floor in the back of the van on the way to the car dealership. It hadn’t lasted more than 45 minutes before they pumped the money out of her and she drove off in her new car, but it was still a surreal experience for someone who lived a relatively modest life.

“Look at you, high roller!” Ms. Evans exclaimed.

Jessi chuckled. “Crazy to think that, this time, this money is all mine and not the bank’s.”

“You get used to it. Do you need some help with your—“

“Yes, please.”

Ms. Evans wobbled her way around the steadily expanding Jessi and began fumbling with the hooks on her bra. Such a task wasn’t easy when you couldn’t bend your arms very well, but after a few expletives she released Jessli’s overstretched bra. The widening mounds of her breasts settled and began spreading further apart slightly as her chest inflated beneath them. Jessi never thought anyone at work would see her boobs, much less like this.

Jessi had grown to be nearly six feet wide when she realized she couldn’t move her arms and legs. They were wide and puffy, sticking diagonally out of the predominant sphere of her torso. She estimated her feet must have been four feet apart. The ATM was speeding up; Jessi now held over GT80,000. Her breasts, once bulbous spheres in their own right, had receded into hemispherical domes adorning her increasingly vast chest.

Ms. Evans could see Jessi trying to move her feet and stay standing. “Here, dear, this will be easier on you.” Ms. Evans waddled to Jessi’s side and laid her hands on Jessi’s tight skin, then gently tipped her forward just enough for her belly to catch her as it bumped into the floor. Jessi’s arms and legs gradually grew shorter, changing from elongated puffy cones to firm mounds wider than they were long, to barely noticeable curves, and then, finally, nothing at all. Without her legs to hold her up, the newly spherical Jessi rolled backward slightly, resting on her bikini area whose surface area could be measured in square feet instead of square inches.

And she still had a ways to go, for she wasn’t even half done.

Jessi pondered the absurdity of abandoning tangible money, of measuring legal tender not with bills and coins but with gallons of inert gas. What purpose does it serve for anyone to carry this much money, other than to simply take it straight to deposit at a bank? Why couldn’t they just transfer the funds electronically like they did in the old days? How could anyone possibly do anything useful with this much money on their person? Not to mention that in public you’d be a huge (literally) target for getting mugged if you didn’t have a security escort.

The ATM kept up its work; Jessi felt herself finally lose her panties. Her hands and feet had swelled up and her neck was becoming the next to go. Jessi watched the “Funds remaining” number on the screen hit five digits, then four, then three. And just like that, it was over. The sensation at her belly button subsided, the hissing sound that had resonated within her now silent. Jessi was over ten feet wide, but she did not make the spacious office cramped at all.

Ms. Evans rolled Jessi backward enough to disconnect the hose, then rolled her forward until Jessi’s face was at eye level and pulled off the remainder of her blouse and bra from around what was left of her neck. “Remarkable, isn’t it?” Ms. Evans exclaimed, patting Jessi’s smooth body. “How do you feel?”

Jessi thought a moment. “Weird. Rich, I guess? But mostly weird.”

Ms. Evans laughed. “That’s about right.” She glanced at the clock. “Well! I’d better be off if I’m going to make it home in time for dinner. I’ll be moving down the hall first thing Monday morning, and Katrina will help you move in.”

“But, Ms. Evans!” Jessi cried. “What about me? I’m too big to fit through your door! Or the elevator! Or—“

“It’s your door now,” Ms. Evans corrected her. “And your office. And don’t worry, your assistant can help you with that. Congratulations.” She leaned in toward Jessi and spoke in a lower voice. “Katrina really does do a good job. Make sure to reward her whenever you can.“

With a wink, Ms. Evans turned and waddled toward the office door and slid it open. “Katrina, I’m off. Jessi is ready for you. Have a good weekend.”

“You too, Ms. Evans,” Jessi could hear Katrina say. Then Katrina walked into the office, beginning to unbutton her blouse. The doors slid open the rest of the way and two women in coveralls filed into the office. Katrina nonchalantly approached the newly promoted blimp. “Jessi, how much would you like me to carry for you?”

Jessi looked puzzled. “Katrina, what are you—“

Katrina’s blouse was off and she was shimmying out of her skirt. “How much?” She slipped her heels off her feet, now dressed only in her bra and panties.

“But I don’t—“

“Jessi,” Katrina said, gently placing a hand on Jessi’s chest, “if you let me carry some of your money then you’ll shrink down enough to fit through the door. If you let me take half then we’ll both be able to fit through the door and into the service elevator, and then we’ll be off to your bank. So do you want me to carry half?”

“Oh.” Jessi sat silently for a moment. “You’ve done this for Ms. Evans before?”

“Many times.”

“Okay. Uh, yes, GT200,000.”

“Perfect.” Katrina smiled and began typing the number into an app on her phone.

“Katrina, how much are you carrying right now?”

Katrina looked up from her phone, then looked down and sized up her breasts and butt with her hands. “A couple grand.”

Jessi did the quick math in her head. “When we get to the bank, we’ll make sure they only take out GT195,000.”

“Aw,” Katrina spread her arms wide and hugged the globe of her new boss, resting her cheek between Jessi’s breasts. “Thank you so much, Jessi.” Then she stood back. “Shall we?”

Jessi nodded, but when Katrina didn’t react she realized that her head hadn’t actually moved. “Yes, let’s.”

Katrina put a mouthpiece in her mouth and handed her phone to one of the other women. Then she rolled Jessi forward a little more to reach her better and locked her lips with Jessi’s. The woman tapped the phone’s screen, and Katrina began swelling rapidly. Jessi felt the money rush out of her, through the pump in Katrina’s mouthpiece, and deep into Katrina’s body. Her stomach blew up into a round ball almost immediately, breasts outgrowing her bra within seconds, hips spreading out at the sides, limbs plumping up. Katrina’s newly massive breasts rubbed against Jessi’s as her body began to yield to the same generally spherical shape.

It was over seemingly almost as soon as it began. Although Jessi had only shrunk a couple of feet, within about a minute Katrina had inflated to the same eight-foot diameter, same rotund form, same domed breasts. When the pump shut off one of the other women rolled Katrina forward and removed the mouthpiece from her mouth, placing it and her phone into one of her pockets.

“Okay,” Katrina said. “The truck is waiting at the loading dock. Let’s go.”

“Lead the way,” Jessi said.

Katrina smiled at Jessi one more time. “I’m really excited to be working for you, Jessi.”

And then Katrina’s pretty face was gone, swept across the surface of her body and beyond her horizon as one of the women rolled her away. Jessi felt hands on her butt and then she was being rolled too, through her new office, through Katrina’s office, and out into the hallway. Other employees of varying largesse got out of the new VP’s way as they passed by. Katrina went down the elevator first, then Jessi, and once at the loading dock they were rolled into the back of an 18-wheeler and driven off.

Such was the first day of the rest of Jessi’s career.

Author's Note: 

About three years ago I had an idea for a society with no paper or coin currency.  Instead, their legal tender would be an inert gas, and they inflated themselves (or each other) with it as a means of storing and exchanging money.  Whether you're buying a cheeseburger or a sports car, you have to first inflate yourself with the proper amount of the gas in order to pay for it by deflating yourself.

The unit of currency I came up with is called Gallons Tender (notated as GTxxx,xxx).  If you fill yourself with five gallons of money, you are carrying GT500.  But how do we know how big that person will get?

Because math!

We know that the volume of a sphere is (4/3)*pi*radius^3.  If we measure the radius (or diameter) in feet, then we get a volume in cubic feet.  Gallons are another measure of volume, and one cubic foot is roughly 7.48 gallons, so it's easy to make the jump there with simple multiplication.  Lastly, to make the number a little more analogous to our money (at least in the US), we then multiple by 100 to get the monetary value of GT.

So, my five gallon example earlier wouldn't be all that interesting, but things get very interesting with large sums of money.  Game show contestants that walk in on two feet may get rolled out.

made a spreadsheet to keep myself honest with all this, because it's important to remember that the relationship between diameter and volume is not linear.  The larger the sphere, the more volume is required for each additional foot of diameter.  That is why Jessi's diameter only shrinks by 20% despite being deflated (by volume) by 50%.

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